Soul, I think that when you first get to heaven, you’ll immerse yourself in Trinity. The all pervasive Person of Jesus-Father-Spirit, moments of utter contentment, trust, love rushing in and round you, scared at first then tentatively soaking in the complete resolution, satisfaction, peace that flows from Him. Maybe still not really believing that His all-encompassing love includes you! All of you: every toe, neuron, gift, prayer you said and tried to listen for a response to – He’s all there! Hugging, rushing, flying certainty that it’s all right!
Everything you doubted, brushed aside, flitted over, tried to do to relate to God all here. You’ll know that those rare moments of satisfaction, faith, contentment, certainty that God exists and acts and loves are now always there. No slips and hopes and tries and brittle stalenesses mixed in – But God. Yahweh. Jesus. Provider. Sustainer. Creator. Right here. Now. Only experiential mountaintops of knowing and being known.
Always, it’s all right. Always, this love is is is is is is Always, this person will never never never leave, turn away, strand you deaf, blind, bland, mute, sensorally boxed in.
“Always I love you. Always you belong, you’re home home home home home home with me always. It’s all right. You belong. You’re home because I’m here, always available always indomitable always communicating never intimating that you’re not quite right or good enough or committed loving orderly gracious active talented smart enough.
Always, you’re all right. Always, you belong. Always, you’re home.”
After your relationship with God is utterly confirmed…then you’ll realize that your earthly mountain top experiences were like canned cooked peas on the floor. An eternity of plumbing every personality trait of God awaits.